Absolutely Fabulous? Absolutely Not!

by Anonymous

I was born and raised in Dublin until 1995 when my parents uprooted and moved the family to Amacao de Pera in Portugal, where I would spend the next twelve years of my life. Over there, my parents ran a successful restaurant and with that came long hours and what could have been a lonely childhood. However, I had my amazing older brother, Peter who is fabulously gay with clothes brighter than the sun. He’s amazing, always has been always will be. My week consisted of School, homework, church and the occasional swim, granted Peter would bring me. We used to do everything together just the two of us. Then Gustavo appeared on the scene. He was Peter’s boyfriend who was just as amazing he was. While my parents took care of the restaurant they took care of me.  Everywhere we went people loved them. Everyone in church knew them, my teachers frequently asked about them and my friends depended on them for fashion advice that was much needed at the time. These are the fondest memories I have from Portugal.

 

After twelve years there my father decided it was time to return home, much to my dismay. Little did I know that I was in for the biggest culture shock of my life. Upon arrival, I quickly learned of the prejudices that surround Irish culture. Walking through the airport we were getting odd looks and smart remarks none of which I got too upset about. One of the first prejudices I encountered was when I visited my Grandmother for the first time since I moved back. I was so excited to tell her all about Portugal and Gustavo and Peter. However, when I showed her pictures she let out an exasperated yelp and said ‘Oh, I didn’t realise my grandson was one of them.’ Those words still ring in my ear as it was the first time that I realised people saw my brother as different. He was classified as ‘them’ not ‘us’. It broke my heart. However, after the initial shock, I put it down to my grandmothers age and thought nothing more of it. However, over the coming weeks I began to notice a major difference in Peter. First it was his clothes. The bright colours and bold fashion statements were replaced with jeans and plain jumpers. He retrieved within himself and it got to a stage where his voice even changed to a toneless, arguably more ‘manly’ one. Suddenly, whenever I spoke about Portugal and what Peter and I did I was shushed. Gustavo, Peter’s boyfriend was known as ‘Emily’ Peter’s girlfriend to friends and extended family and everyone carried on as if it was normal. In school, I was judged when I told my ‘friends’ about my brother and his boyfriend. I was met with taunts with words I had never encountered in Portugal such as ‘queer’ which I had an extreme hatred of. Suddenly, my world was turned upside down. Something that I saw as normal was now a secret and to my understanding, in Ireland at least, was wrong. I couldn’t understand it. The entire meaning of being a homosexual was drastically different in Ireland, that was a mere two and a half hours away from Portugal. I soon learned to go along with my families lies and continued to refer to Gustavo as ‘Emily’ not because I was ashamed but because it was what peter wanted. I’m not sure what was worse, the fact that society in Ireland on a whole felt homosexuals were different or that Peter now felt like he was different.

 

It’s four years on now and not much has changed. Peter is now happily engaged to his fiance Ross however, I am the only one who knows. Peter is too ashamed to openly tell his family and friends and Ross is an entire different story. His family disowned his brother in 2009 for coming out and he is too afraid to tell his friends as he fears he will be seen differently in his profession.  

 

With all of these thoughts running through my mind, the secrets, the lies, the stares and the taunts something clicked in my head and my eyes were wide open to the extent of Ireland’s prejudices. I began to think, if this is how the Irish culture views Irish people from their own land based on their sexual orientation, what sort of discrimination do they place upon other races in this country? Was I discriminated against in Portugal? Was I seen as a foreigner that should ‘go back to their own country’? Everyday, everywhere I went I saw people from various ethnicities; African, Chinese, Spanish, Korean, French and an overwhelming feeling of disappointment came over me. All this time I had worried about my own experience that I neglected to see the racism that surrounds Ireland in everyday life. You wouldn’t have to sit long in an Irish pub before you heard someone complaining that ‘they took our jobs’ or ‘they should go back to their own country’. These comments are taken lightly everyday by the Irish, however how does it make people from those countries feel? People who consider Ireland a home are being constantly told that it isn’t and that they should go back to theirs. Racism in Ireland is a topic that I feel a lot of the population is ignorant of due to the light heartedness towards most comments made. It needs to change. United, we can make magic. If we keep letting our differences separate us, we will never progress.

 

Ireland, in my eyes has a long way to come with regards to LGBTA rights something that I feel very strongly about but we have even further to go to combat racism in this country. I do not understand how people from one socio cultural group think they have the right to deem another group different due to their own differences from them. I believe being different makes a difference and that is why I encourage anyone who is reading this to get out there and vote yes to marriage equality in the upcoming referendum. We can combat discrimination together, one step at a time.